Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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