Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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