waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
