I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
is wine microwaveable?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
you inspire me to be a worse person
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
