The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
