Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
