He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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