I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
