i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
