i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
