You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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