Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
