The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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