And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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