I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
