So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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