I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
My liver just had a heart attack.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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