woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Randomize
