guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
