i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
