Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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