youre lurking in front of me
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize