chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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