im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
