I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
