Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
