Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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