Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
