Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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