Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
