some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
