with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
