My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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