What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
