No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
