Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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