just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
