Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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