I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm like, not good at living.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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