This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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