So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Randomize
