I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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