R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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