Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
May the power of my ass compel you!!
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
