I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
