I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
