i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
