you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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