you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize