i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
