Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
