Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
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And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
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I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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