I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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