So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
