accomplished twins. life is a go
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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