My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
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You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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