Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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