felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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