Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
