You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
