drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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