Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I yelled at your uterus for you.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
