I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Randomize
