Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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