clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
