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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
