You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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