based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
