nut hugger
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
